It's the season to be jolly. So we were planning on going visiting. Sometime this week. Too bad "sometime this week" wasn't good enough. I'm going to her funeral later today. I've been meaning to visit her fr more than four months now. But the timing just never felt right. Do I feel guilty? I don't think so. Sad? Yes. At least I think so.
I'm wondering if I should be feeling guilty for not meeting someone I knew had been bed-ridden for months. Someone who'd reached out to me when I was a 13-yr-old, happy to sit in a corner at a party, reading. Someone who helped me realise it was ok not to be super-serious all the time. Someone who helped me — the new kid for three years — fit in in the most important circle... the one inside my head. Probably. But my rational mind reminds me I can't really do anything for her now. So I'm doing the next best thing. Hoping I can help those she's left behind, instead.