How to improve India’s performance at the Olympics

1. Include events such as gulli-danda, marbles, bullock-cart racing and belching

2. Disallow participation from countries which have won a total of five medals in any of the previous Olympic games

3. Allow the use of artificial stimulants (especially for the livestock in the bullock-cart races, that too, only for Indian participants)

4. Discontinue events such as all athletics, swimming, gymnastics, water polo, hockey and basketball, in which India has no hope of winning

5. Appoint politicians to the organising committee, to make fixing events easier

6. Put India into a pool comprising, India, Mozambique, Eithiopia, Afghanistan and Nepal, with the other pool consisting of just India

(This is the short version.. pl feel free to add ur own suggestions in the comments section)

and since i'm pretty much bent on makin' yer trip as well.. ensoy.. It's John Coltrane's Afro Blue.. heaven's got this man, i tells youse..



And, if we have the Trane, can Mr Miles Davis be far behind?
here's the supremely soulful "Yesterdays"



For those of who don't quite follow the trajectory of usually twisted thought waves.. this isn't rocket science...
Trane was part of the Miles Davis quintet... much before he headed off to form first a quartet and then, later, a quintet...more ejukeshun leita!watch this space..

(but not too hard, u bozo!)

I'm tripping on Dizzy G. Pl send me any more that you might find...

Culture, history, and the lack thereof (or, random musings at dawn)


I'd like to discover India. Does that sound strange? I know I've lived here all of my life.. but how much do i know about it? I sometimes think I'd like to see the world... the people, the cultures, the history... then I ask myself how I could ever hope for something that big, when I haven't seen my own back yard.. It's so easy to believe in, and slot people into, stereotypes.. (Don't we all?) but can human nature, much less mother nature be slotted that easily?

I want to travel. and by that I mean truly travel. I want to live among the locals. I want to BE a local. that's someone I've never been. I want a culture to call my own. I hear you laughing.. "you're Indian," you say... "you have culture.." sure my country has a rich and varied history, and since you can't have history without acquiring some culture, you must be right, rt?

Except than I am not my country. I do not "belong" anywhere or any when.. I want to know the history behind a place... not the kind they taught in school. I want to know about the men and women behind the legends... the people who became the heroes. those who built the monuments to time... and not just the ones who commissioned them.. I want to know those who toiled in the summer and in the monsoons.. those who, possibly, did not want the monuments built, but were forced to anyway... those who, discovered and loved these relics before the Archaeological Survey of India began to charge an entry fee... Those who lived and loved among the monuments to others dead, but not forgotten... the other places they saw... the grounds they walked.. the thoughts they thought.

I want to know what the ghoonghat-clad women of ancient Rajasthan would have thought of their bare-breasted sisters in the territories that became Kerala... What the Mughal men with their courtesans thought of the Dravidian priests and their devdasis... What the French in India thought of the English in India? More importantly, what the Europeans thought of the Indians... did they ever get beyond the "hmm..these guys could make us rich" phase...? How did palates accustomed to pièces montèes, and potato and meat stew react when they met dum aloo, sambhar and the aptly named gun powder? Did everyone get a round what we so euphemistically call Delhi belly today?

We've all heard stories about how the invaders — "they" ruined the lives of the locals "the us" and ransacked our culture? How come I've never heard of an Indian version of Pochahontas? I refuse to believe it never happened.. Maybe there was.. and maybe, the anonymous Pocahontas from the sub-continent (I'd like to think she was dravidian) refused to move to England, to be paraded as a "tamable native".. insisting, instead, that her John Rolfe take over the responsibilities of gruhasthashrama and, thereby, of her extended family! Maybe that killed him... imagine having to plan (and fund) weddings for all those younger siblings and cousins....and having to remember who's who among your wife's cousin's cousin's in-laws... (most definitely not for the faint-hearted!) And may be she then married some wealthy old man her father approved of, (of course no self respecting pop would've approved of some "Firang" back in the 18th century.. or that's what I've been told... doesn't help that the same people who tell me this are the ones who insist all Anglo-Indians are of Royal blood — more or less, anyway..) had a ton of sons (of course she didn't have daughters.. no self-respecting mother-of-sons ever does, does she? in any history... in any country and in any culture? Pardon my ignorance, but did Achilles have a sister? and would Thetis have dunked her in the Styx to make her invulnerable??) and died of old age, syphilis, boredom or child birth... and basically faded into the non-existence that seems to mark the lives of women in this part of the ancient world.

I've always found it strange that, in India, some courtesans are remembered better than queens... (Kinda ironic that a system that insists that women behave in a particular manner rewards the few who don't... but that's a topic for another day)... yet it's fascinating. The country is such a kaleidescope of cultures and of people, And when you haven't been born into one of the many available options, that choosing is hard. And not knowing your own, or your neighbor's, history makes it that much harder.. I hear u laughing again... "What idiot has to choose cultures?" All I can say is having a culture seems important to me... It gives you a norm.. and if you don't have a clear cut idea of what is acceptable and what isn't... It gets that much harder to decide if you are a conformist or a rebel... And maybe it's because I have stayed as far away as I could from my own...

(Lord knows well-intentioned folks have driven me nuts with their "OhmyGawdourcrapdoesn'tstink! We'renotthesedirtyIndians" brand of BS, and I'm proud to say I've returned the favour — "Youstinkmorecozyou'reneitherherenorthere" or "Howcanyoucallsomeplaceneitheryounoryourgrandparentshaveeverbeen,'home'?" doesn't make you very popular in the community, trust me)

So I want to learn. I want to know the history of the land. From before some of my ancestors left their potato farms in the land of clovers to wander among the sugarcane fields in the land of the idli... I want to hear the songs in the rocks... of the coal that once was a forest... I want to hear the stories of centuries past... I want sepia-toned memories awash with colour... I don't want to study culture and history... I want to live it..

"She's perfect for you, Man, there's got to be somebody for me."
I want to be Bob Dylan

People expect more from me than I have to give them.

Can a ritual ceremony force you to grow up? by you, of course, i mean anyone who isn't me.. cuz gettin me to grow up would take a lot more than a ceremony, rt? rt? actually, i think the answer'd depend on who u asked...

Sometimes, u get things you wanted... but then you're left wondering why u wanted them in the first place...

i like this song

Check these out.. Top 10 international destinations for broke Indian travellers, put together solely on the basis of currency conversion rates that I happened to come across...
10. Iceland: 500 Krona = Rs325
09. Jamaica: 500 Dollars = Rs276
08. Sri Lanka: 500 Rupees = Rs176
07. Slovenia: 500 Tolar = Rs108
06. Yemen: 500 Rials = Rs99
05. Guyana: 500 Dollars = Rs97
04. South Korea: 500 Won = Rs21.56
03. Somalia: 500 Shillings = Rs14.23
02. Zambia: 500 Kwacha = Rs5.12
01. Turkmenistan: 500 Manat = Rs3.81


oh, and FYI, 1 CYP (Cyprus Pound) = Rs 96.38 (or, Rs500=CYP5.17...just in case anyone was beginning to gloat[:D])

This is sort of popped into my head while i was rereading an old post.. First draft so please be kind..

My muse is out 2

He stepped out of the closet
Straight into my head,
A swirl of pink and violet
While others looked on,
a mix of confusion and dread

He flits in and out, between my ears
Prancing about most outlandishly
He knows every hope, every wish, every fear
And when I struggle to make sense
He helps me out, by arming me

With a word here and an image there
He knows that he's indispensible—
A lance-bearer from yesteryear
And if my thoughts aren't all together
Still makes me seem knowledgable

I'm not like the others, he once told me
I told him it really was ok
It wasn't a catastrophe
And when I'm lost for poetry,
I'm quite glad my muse is gay

The original's here
http://zephkeyes.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2006-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2007-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=48 in case you interested..

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Milady the Right Reverend Ulibak-The Great the Excited of Lower Slaughter Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Resplendent in her madisaar pattu,
The girl of only iruvatti-aaru
Looks down at her feet with no shoes
Red designs making maps with no clues
She's got the nadaswaram blues!

The maapillai sits in his yellow veshti
Yearly-morning cold makes him want to pee
shivering slightly, deep thoughts does he muse:
From now, his life he has to plan in irendoos
He's got the nadaswaram blues!

"Maatikitaan" the mridangam announces
Through the frills and the flounces
While unknown relatives sit there and snooze
It's a good thing, they won't get any booze
For they got the nadaswaram blues...

*dedicated to a friend of mine.. thx for the inspiration!

Glossary of possibly foreign terms:
madisaar pattu : 9-yard silk sari, traditionally worn by Tamil Brahmin brides
iruvatti-aaru: 26
nadaswaram: a musical intrument that resembles a flute, commonly the main piece played at Tamilian weddings
maapillai: groom (or guy gettin hitched at said wedding)
veshti: fancy lungi (A cloth, often of brightly colored silk or cotton, that is used as a piece of clothing, especially the traditional skirtlike garment of India, Pakistan, and Myanmar, says Answers.com)
irendoo(s): twos
Maatikitaan: hindi translation:"pakda gaya"; English equivalent: trapped. cornered..u get the picture(also refers to the beats played on the mridanagam at weddings)
mridangam: South Indian drum, the other main piece played at weddings

It's been so long, I think I've forgotten how to do it
What once felt like the most natural thing in the world, is now an effort.
I thought it was like riding a bike -
Once you learn, you're not supposed to forget.
But I have forgotten to write. Somehow.

Maybe its just all the blue, but I think this pic of the London Eye at night is one of the nicer pix i've come across all week.

credit to Andrew Hasson of Bloomberg News.

The law of the chain of events proposes that s/he who is charged with finishing the last leg of the process, will sit idle till half an hour before deadline and tehn scramble as said deadline whooshes past, amid angry glares from his/her superiors.
ZK

Been at my desk four hours now, and haven't had a thing to do. Hope i can stand the excitement till then

Highlight of my day: Finding a 100-buck note hidden away in the backpocket of my jeans.

Today I learned what the first sardine in the tin feels like.

I miss having places I can walk into, kick off my shoes and just hang out... the closest thing to that, is my house. but hanging out at your own place isn't quite the same as bargin into a pal's at 7.30 in the morning demanding she make u coffee, is it?

IF ONLY GAY SEX CAUSED GLOBAL WARMING
or
Why we're more scared of gay marriage and terrorism than a much deadlier threat.
By Daniel Gilbert, Daniel Gilbert is a professor of psychology at Harvard University and the author of "Stumbling on Happiness," published in May by Knopf.
July 2, 2006

NO ONE seems to care about the upcoming attack on the World Trade Center site. Why? Because it won't involve villains with box cutters. Instead, it will involve melting ice sheets that swell the oceans and turn that particular block of lower Manhattan into an aquarium.

The odds of this happening in the next few decades are better than the odds that a disgruntled Saudi will sneak onto an airplane and detonate a shoe bomb. And yet our government will spend billions of dollars this year to prevent global terrorism and … well, essentially nothing to prevent global warming.

Why are we less worried about the more likely disaster? Because the human brain evolved to respond to threats that have four features — features that terrorism has and that global warming lacks.

First, global warming lacks a mustache. No, really. We are social mammals whose brains are highly specialized for thinking about others. Understanding what others are up to — what they know and want, what they are doing and planning — has been so crucial to the survival of our species that our brains have developed an obsession with all things human. We think about people and their intentions; talk about them; look for and remember them.

That's why we worry more about anthrax (with an annual death toll of roughly zero) than influenza (with an annual death toll of a quarter-million to a half-million people). Influenza is a natural accident, anthrax is an intentional action, and the smallest action captures our attention in a way that the largest accident doesn't. If two airplanes had been hit by lightning and crashed into a New York skyscraper, few of us would be able to name the date on which it happened.

Global warming isn't trying to kill us, and that's a shame. If climate change had been visited on us by a brutal dictator or an evil empire, the war on warming would be this nation's top priority.

The second reason why global warming doesn't put our brains on orange alert is that it doesn't violate our moral sensibilities. It doesn't cause our blood to boil (at least not figuratively) because it doesn't force us to entertain thoughts that we find indecent, impious or repulsive. When people feel insulted or disgusted, they generally do something about it, such as whacking each other over the head, or voting. Moral emotions are the brain's call to action.

Although all human societies have moral rules about food and sex, none has a moral rule about atmospheric chemistry. And so we are outraged about every breach of protocol except Kyoto. Yes, global warming is bad, but it doesn't make us feel nauseated or angry or disgraced, and thus we don't feel compelled to rail against it as we do against other momentous threats to our species, such as flag burning. The fact is that if climate change were caused by gay sex, or by the practice of eating kittens, millions of protesters would be massing in the streets.

The third reason why global warming doesn't trigger our concern is that we see it as a threat to our futures — not our afternoons. Like all animals, people are quick to respond to clear and present danger, which is why it takes us just a few milliseconds to duck when a wayward baseball comes speeding toward our eyes.

The brain is a beautifully engineered get-out-of-the-way machine that constantly scans the environment for things out of whose way it should right now get. That's what brains did for several hundred million years — and then, just a few million years ago, the mammalian brain learned a new trick: to predict the timing and location of dangers before they actually happened.

Our ability to duck that which is not yet coming is one of the brain's most stunning innovations, and we wouldn't have dental floss or 401(k) plans without it. But this innovation is in the early stages of development. The application that allows us to respond to visible baseballs is ancient and reliable, but the add-on utility that allows us to respond to threats that loom in an unseen future is still in beta testing.

We haven't quite gotten the knack of treating the future like the present it will soon become because we've only been practicing for a few million years. If global warming took out an eye every now and then, OSHA would regulate it into nonexistence.

There is a fourth reason why we just can't seem to get worked up about global warming. The human brain is exquisitely sensitive to changes in light, sound, temperature, pressure, size, weight and just about everything else. But if the rate of change is slow enough, the change will go undetected. If the low hum of a refrigerator were to increase in pitch over the course of several weeks, the appliance could be singing soprano by the end of the month and no one would be the wiser.

Because we barely notice changes that happen gradually, we accept gradual changes that we would reject if they happened abruptly. The density of Los Angeles traffic has increased dramatically in the last few decades, and citizens have tolerated it with only the obligatory grumbling. Had that change happened on a single day last summer, Angelenos would have shut down the city, called in the National Guard and lynched every politician they could get their hands on.

Environmentalists despair that global warming is happening so fast. In fact, it isn't happening fast enough. If President Bush could jump in a time machine and experience a single day in 2056, he'd return to the present shocked and awed, prepared to do anything it took to solve the problem..

The human brain is a remarkable device that was designed to rise to special occasions. We are the progeny of people who hunted and gathered, whose lives were brief and whose greatest threat was a man with a stick. When terrorists attack, we respond with crushing force and firm resolve, just as our ancestors would have. Global warming is a deadly threat precisely because it fails to trip the brain's alarm, leaving us soundly asleep in a burning bed.

It remains to be seen whether we can learn to rise to new occasions.